Curse of the Starving Class

So I was finally in a Costco the other day. After hearing everyone go on and on about it I finally thought it was time to see all I have been missing all these years

I had to be accompanied with someone with a Costco passport of course because the average Joe can not be permitted inside such a luxurious mercantile. When we passed by the pimply faced kid at the entrance and he waved us through my heart was pounding with excitement with the sheer anticipation of grandeur.

The entire warehouse look was so impressive, including the piles of TVs all wrapped in saran wrap piled skid on top of skid that sort of resembled K2 but not to be outdone by the Mount Everest sized pile of Jeans and leather coats. People gathered around the piles and rooting for their sizes (hangers of courses being so gauche).

I have no idea what I was thinking by buying a box of 30 tampons when at Costco I could have been buying a box of 6,000 and save at least 10 cents per box. And why buy one loaf of fresh bread at a time when you can buy 88 loaves and freeze them for months, saving an entire nickel per loaf. I passed a woman who had a trolley (yes trolley)piled with roughly 25,000 roles of toilet paper. It’s such a brilliant idea this buying a lifetime supply of product so you never have to shop again. Where these idiots are going to keep all this shit is any body's guess but I imagine they can buy the resin Costco shed for $870 to store it all.

The entire place is peppered with girls in paper chef hats peddling samples of fine cuisine with shelf lives of 90 years and flocks of people around actually waiting for a tablespoon of something. I can’t imagine what these people do for a living that their time is so worthless to them to endure all this. The line up at the registers was at least 20 people long. I looked at my cart and couldn’t see the significance of actually waiting in a line for 2 hours long to purchase the crap that was in there. So I just left my 120 tubes of toothpaste family pack of 50,000 ribbed Durex condoms between customer number 23 and 25 and walked out of the store.

Of course I had to wait at the exit for the Gestapo to check to see that I wasn’t trying to pull a fast one as he was checking everyone. I started sweating at the possible cavity search that I thought they may conduct if you have no obvious purchase but I got out unscathed.

Kudos to the guy that came up with this marketing strategy where he knew that the general population was enough of a mental midget to buy into this shit, then have the balls to actually charge an annual fee for the privilege of shopping there. How the public at large have been swindled into a scam of paying a membership fee to be bequeathed the honour of giving a company their money scares the shit out of me, considering when you know that these same people are allowed to vote and drive cars. My hat’s off to this master marketer and his Costco Regime, as no doubt he could sell sand to Arabs.