Eddie Vedder doesn’t know I’m alive

I have no idea how this happened in my life. Of all the silly little accomplishments I set out to do, Eddie never made the list. Alright, so it was an oversight on my part of enormous proportions especially when taking into account all the mental midgets I have had the misfortune of knowing in my life.

There should be a rule about being able to trade in 99.9% of the acquaintances a person has amassed in their lifetime for the one acquaintance they truly want. I have a list of about 748 window lickers, trainspotters, beta males and cement heads that should be reasonably tangible for one Eddie Vedder. I’m willing to negotiate anything that is brought to the offering table on this one.