What Else Could I Be? All Apologies
The epidemic of apologies that is sweeping the planet has turned into an Olympic event. Japan just apologized to the Americans for WWII. Leaders of a rebel group in Ivory Coast apologized for firing on French troops near Duekoke. The Irish Republican Army apologizes for civilian deaths over its thirty year struggle to unite Northern Ireland with the Republic of Ireland. Swiss president Kaspar Villiger apologized for Switzerland’s refusal to accept refugees during WWII.
Pope John Paul the dead apologized to Greece for the Roman Catholic Church’s crimes against the Orthodox, He also apologized for the annihilation of Constantinople (currently called Istanbul , Turkey ) by Christian Crusaders during 4 days of madness, mayhem and murder in April of the year 1204 A.D. Although I’m not entirely certain what the statutes of limitations are on the “Gee, we fucked up” stance is. He also apologized for the Spanish inquisition, and to the Czech Republic for the Church’s role in stake burnings and the religious wars that followed the Protestant Reformation, the Roman Catholic church’s involvement with the African slave trade. He apologized to the victims of sexual molestation brought on by his platoon on nonce priests and bishops every time he left the Vatican gates. My hard drive isn’t big enough to hold the entire litany of things the Roman Catholic church is sorry for. Air Canada just can’t apologize enough these days. On a personal note, I’d like to apologize to Alex for faking that orgasm on August 14th 1996, , anyway, this is just a preamble to forward you this hour has 22 minutes in it Canadian Apologies to the United States of America:
Canada Apologize to the Americans
On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry.
I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron.
He is a moron but, it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all it's not like you actually elected him.
I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own.
I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours.
I'm sorry we burnt down your white house during the war of 1812. I notice you've rebuilt it! It's Very Nice.
I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer but, we Feel your Pain.
I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.
And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. We've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.
Thank you.
Rick Mercer
Pope John Paul the dead apologized to Greece for the Roman Catholic Church’s crimes against the Orthodox, He also apologized for the annihilation of Constantinople (currently called Istanbul , Turkey ) by Christian Crusaders during 4 days of madness, mayhem and murder in April of the year 1204 A.D. Although I’m not entirely certain what the statutes of limitations are on the “Gee, we fucked up” stance is. He also apologized for the Spanish inquisition, and to the Czech Republic for the Church’s role in stake burnings and the religious wars that followed the Protestant Reformation, the Roman Catholic church’s involvement with the African slave trade. He apologized to the victims of sexual molestation brought on by his platoon on nonce priests and bishops every time he left the Vatican gates. My hard drive isn’t big enough to hold the entire litany of things the Roman Catholic church is sorry for. Air Canada just can’t apologize enough these days. On a personal note, I’d like to apologize to Alex for faking that orgasm on August 14th 1996, , anyway, this is just a preamble to forward you this hour has 22 minutes in it Canadian Apologies to the United States of America:
Canada Apologize to the Americans
On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry.
I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron.
He is a moron but, it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all it's not like you actually elected him.
I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own.
I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours.
I'm sorry we burnt down your white house during the war of 1812. I notice you've rebuilt it! It's Very Nice.
I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer but, we Feel your Pain.
I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.
And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. We've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.
Thank you.
Rick Mercer
posted by freudz wet dream at 11:03 AM
11 Comments:
I say we make Rick Mercer the next ambassador to the US. Oh what fun that would be!
Rye, he'd make them take off their "Evolution is just theory" stickers on their science books again.
In keeping with esprit de corps, I'd like to apologize for my post.
Does John Stewart even know what street Canada is on?
um, I was totally being sarcastic about the Rick Mercer being ambassador to the US thing. I too have met some very nice Americans (albeit they were in Mexico, but still, they were Americans) and some very nasty Canadians. I direct my satire towards the collective and the leadership, not the individual. If someone wants to take it personally, that's there problem, because I never mean it to be personal, unless I specifically name someone. I apologize for any incoherence in this and my previous comment(s).
Just to, you know, keep in the spirit of the original post.
I wanted to use Ed, truly I did, but he just hasn't apologized for anything lately, and it just wouldn't have worked with my post.
Hey, what the hell is wrong with American beer?
Oh yeah...
(Skulks away...)
whats a good kind.
...slow ass fuck mook?
So, is that like Guinness then, or what?
BTW - I hate terrorists, not brown people. Don't be so prejudiced. You may need diversity training. You obviously don't know where I stand.
Reports of my disenbowelment have been greatly exaggerated...
pet
CUG, I don't drink beer, it bloats me. If theres anything you wish to know about martinis, I'm your girl.
Sir, Deadpool:
You have insulted my honor by calling me prejudiced.
Now we must kung-fu fight to the death!
(Rips shirt open, rippling muscles, zoom in on serious face, cue cheesy music...)
(Heh, my mouth was moving different from what I was saying; that's hard to do with text).
Uh...prejudice/racist? Really? Could you give me an example, please? I don't see it. I even make fun of Republicans on there! I'm serious, dude!
I am actually pretty open-minded in lots of areas.
I do try to consider what impressions will be when I write, just not well, apparently.
Additionally, I'm not a cowboy, I'm more like a slow, retarded rodeo clown. I've never shot anyone, and have no desire to do so. If I had to I would, but would never seek that...
I like to shoot targets, I don't even hunt anymore (although I do like venison!:))
I get judged all the time as soon as someone hears the word conservative! I DO work in a UAW shop, ya know.
Also, are we still talking Guinness, or what? NEED...BETTER...BEER! Please recommend European beer!!!
It may convert me!!!!!
BTW - FWD, this was a funny post. Insulting, but funny. We can dish it out, and we take it.
I like martinis (gin) that are very dry. However, they don't like me.
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