In The Name Of All That Is Pussy

I find it only fitting to raise a glass to the Muslim community for scoring a point, yet again, for Atheists everywhere. In the wake of the ‘cartoon riots’, I can’t remember being more entertained by any fundamentalist group as I have been these last couple of weeks. This, so far, has been a skeptic’s wet dream with endless fodder to warm our hearts.

As funny as the cartoons were, the reaction of Muslims has been all that much more amusing, and the central irony is that the reactions of the Muslim community solidifies the very point that the cartoons in question made. This is a level of irony that even Sophocles couldn’t aspire to when writing Oedipus.

The world is to pretend that that innocent people don’t get bombed in order that some intellectually bankrupt Muslim may have copious amounts of virgin pussy in heaven. The Quran is quite clear and repetitious when making promises to those who destroy infidels.

Quran: (78:31-32): “As for the righteous, they surely triumph. Their gardens and vineyards and high-bosomed (pointed breast) virgins for companions, truly overflowing cup”
Quran-(55:70-77): “ In each there shall be virgins chaste and fair….dark eyed virgins sheltered in their tents whom neither man or Jinn have touched before
Quran: (37:40-48): …they will sit with bashful, dark-eyed virgins, as chaste as the sheltered eggs of ostriches.
Quran-(78: 33-34) The houris are ever-young full-breasted maidens of equal age having swelling bosoms, and a full cup of wine.”
It begins to get fuzzy at this point as to whether we’re discussing heaven or a Nonce Brothel.

The exact number of virgins received in heaven is not clear in the Quran but rather it can be found in Tirmzi, volume 2 page 138: “Every man who enters paradise shall be given 72 houris (ummm virgins for the infidels out there), no matter at what age he had died, when he is admitted into paradise, he will become a thirty-year-old (so still pretty shitty in bed), and shall not age any further. A man in paradise shall be given virility equal to that of one hundred men.”

I would think that a man’s idea of heaven (especially if he had the virility equal to one hundred men) would be 72 ‘thousand dollar a night hookers’ who can suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose rather than a platoon of women who just lay there and shriek as their hymen is getting ripped apart, but the delicate and profound tastes of middle easterners are not my school of training.

Any country making apologies to the Muslim community should be ashamed of themselves. All they have done is set a precedence of walking on eggshells where this dogma is concerned. And while Christians have taken their turn at the irreverence towards Muslims over this truly comedic chapter in world events, I believe it wise that they should try at all costs to keep their weapon sheathed as their beliefs are no less inane and preposterous. The infidels are having their day in the sun.