Friday, September 30, 2005

Leviticus 18:22 Vs Bill C-38

The Vatican has announced that it is withholding those shitty tasting, stale pieces of bread that stick to the roof of your mouth until Monday morning after mass to Canadian Politicians that passed same sex marriage laws.

The Archbishop of Edmonton has encouraged local Bishops to try and persuade politicians to change their position before they can release the ummmm stale bread to them. It is not clear yet whether or not All Points Bulletin Posters will be put up beside the stale bread distribution centre on Sundays so the priests can scrutinize all recipients to ensure it’s not a Liberal or NDP Politician.

Paul Martin was spotted yesterday in a Novelty store purchasing a fake rubber nose and moustache that authorities fear he will wear with a non descript trench coat in order to maliciously extort communion under false pretence.

Pope Benedict is now considering a proposal to ban gays from entering the priesthood but it’s open door policy on child molesters is in no way endangered.

From Rome. This is Freudz reporting……………

...well this is a fine kettle of fish.....

It would appear that my only reader got in trouble from his mom for commenting on my blog: Please refer to comments on “Fundie University”

I find this all rather alarming as I haven’t gotten a boy in trouble from his mommy in years and have forgotten all the “Eddy Haskel” things to say to smooth everything over.

All I can say at this time is Bwahahahahahaha…….alrighty then....

Martini Recipe of the Month

Chocolate Martini

Two Oz Vodka
One Oz Crème de CaCao (white)
Lindt Dark Chocolate Shavings
Two to Three cups Ice
In a well chilled Martini Shaker, fill with ice, pour in booze. Note that shaking a martini will only result in a watery martini so stir it instead. Strain into a big fuck off Martini glass and sprinkle with chocolate shavings. Repeat as necessary

Wednesday, September 28, 2005


Drop that cross one more time mac and you're out of the parade. Posted by Picasa

All Ye Faithful

I saw the Exorcism of Emily Rose the other night. Not a bad movie but right up there with Gremlins and Killer Klowns from Outer Space as far as credibility goes. Out of curiosity I Googled Exorcism on the internet and got two million hits including a web page from this American priest, Father Cliff Graham. Cliff has a step by step process to start the exorcism ritual on your own.

According to Cliff evil spirits can enter people who dabble in occult practices.
He says:
“ an evil spirit may enter us because of involvement in evil practices such as the occult, The occult is any practice that involves ceremonies, rituals, chants, magic”

I hate to be captain of the painfully obvious but wouldn’t the Catholic Church be the foremost culprit in evil practices of the occult that involves ceremonies rituals and chants? I chalked up that entire sentence as the worst case of Stockholm Syndrome in history. Cliffy goes on to state that people who practice sex out of wedlock, masturbate or smoke marijuana also run a high risk of being possessed by demons.

Being an Atheist, I am never bothered by demons or Satan which leads me to believe that I have chosen wisely. Fundies, on the other hand, are always laboring under the delusion that demons walk among us. I know a couple of Baptists who have stated that they have actually seen satan on more than one occasion. I then did a little probing and found out that most fundies have at one time or another seen or have felt Satan’s presence. Uh Huh. I don’t know whether it’s the fact they say they have seen Satan that bother’s me as much as the fact that they are permitted to vote and drive cars that makes my skin crawl.

As an Atheist, I’m often puzzled as to why I’ve never seen the devil, or statan or what ever he goes by these days. You’d think if the bastard was to round up anyone it would be people like me. While I’m on the subject, No god’s have ever paid me a visit either so I should be fair game to either of them. While I’m at it, put me down as never seeing the Easter Bunny, Martians or the Tooth Fair either.

To be quite honest I have no time for a God who is as insecure and petty as the god depicted in the holy bible. He’s a pretty lame deity as far as gods go. He really ought to take lessons in self confidence from Zeus who didn’t keep going on and on and on about not being allowed to worship any other god’s but him. This god is like an insecure boyfriend who keeps asking “do you still love me”. And when the answer is no he gets all fire and brimstone on everyone. Gods don’t do shit like that.

Fundies love telling me about the speed in which I will arrive in hell. They take some strange perverse pleasure in knowing that I’m going to burn in eternal hell while they are going to be playing bocce ball and eating ice cream in heaven with Jesus. Heaven is the big pay off for them because they don’t drink beer or masturbate to Internet porn. It almost makes me jealous in the same way I envy a child who plays all his cards right the month before Christmas because Santa Clause is watching. It’s kinda cute but I wouldn’t want to be aligned with them on a social level.

It apparently all has something to do with the fact that God gave us his only son Jesus to die on the cross for us to save us from the clutches of ‘evil’. It’s always puzzled me why God chose that method as the only way to save mankind. A cool god would have chosen a Poker game or Tug of War. But I guess it would be hard to romanticize about some Jewish guy in a sarong beating the Pharisees at five card stud.

It also seems that in the sport of Fundamentalism the creepier the better. Evangelists , Baptists and Sharia Islam are the big hitters of creepy with Catholicism stealing second base. I continue to go through life as a born again Frisbiterian, where we believe that when we die our souls go up on the roof and never come back down.

Friday, September 23, 2005


Woke up this morning Posted by Picasa

Watch Your Fucking Mouth Tony

It’s on or about the 6 month count down to marking time waiting for season 6 of the Sopranos. Until this happens, there’s no point in even having a television set and after the series is over, there’s no point in keeping your television set. Last spring the Toronto Star ran an editorial of the filming of the sixth season, doing interviews and giving a play by play of the cast and producers.

The Star stated that the initial filming was immediately followed by a censored filming of each of the 13 episodes. Put in layman’s terms: They film the episode, then go back and film James Gondolfini saying thing’s like “ I want his stupid-head family dead” instead of “I want his mother fucking family dead”, and things of that nature.

I don’t even know where to begin pointing out all the things I find seriously wrong with that pathology. I want to be a fly on the wall of the people that these censored episodes are filmed for. I want to see the true faces of hypocrites. The mere fact that anyone can be so hopelessly stupid could watch a show that’s as complex and multi-layered like the Sopranos and not be bothered by the show’s content of pure violence, but then be offended by hearing profanity creates a whole new level of moron that even the Mental Health community did not see coming.

Someone really has to explain this one to me because I’m drawing a cipher here. People have to be saying to themselves “I will watch Tony’s crew kill and chop up people into pieces on a butcher’s block or in a bathtub with a hand saw and slip in a pool of blood while trying to put the pieces of that person in a glad kitchen catcher, and watch them throw the bags in the trunk of Chris’ car and then watch them take the garbage bags of body parts out of the car and throw them in landfill site, where three episodes later they have to pull them out of the landfill site and smash all the bones with sledge hammers, but I absolutely will not tolerate to hear the word cunt”

I’m not sure whether it’s my inability or just outright refusal to even remotely try to understand the mentality of people who are so offended by profanity yet seem to have no problem with violence. They should all just buy a shirt that says “Hypocrites R US” and get it over with. What’s the point of watching the series if it’s censored? How is it possible that people can draw such a ridiculous line in the sand?

For those who are offended by the language in the series, watch the Golden Girls or the Bill Cosby show, don’t be a hypocrite and watch a censored version of a series that is perfect in it’s original format.